“All I’m saying is that that Martin writes better characters. You feel for them even though they’re assholes. Jordan’s character’s are wet noodles.”
“That’s totally unfair. Martin and Jordan’s worlds are entirely different. Jordon’s style is more traditional. Martin’s just feels icky.”
“Traditional? More like ripped off.”
“At least it’s not Shannara,” Samantha broke in. That broke the argument that had built up inside the library over the last ten minutes and brought chuckles out of the book club.
The two fighting were Amanda and Whitney. Amanda favored the works of George R.R. Martin while Whitney defended Robert Jordon’s The Wheel of Time from any criticism. It was a debate that they had been injecting into the group’s weekly meetings for months now. However, as Amanda reminded everyone by holding up her copy, they were there to discuss Robin Hobb’s Assassin’s Apprentice. “Who wants to recap this week’s chapters?”
Edie considered raising her hand but knew she wouldn’t the same way she knew she wouldn’t speak up when it came time to share their opinions on the novel despite the fact that she’s been loving it. She found Hobb’s characters far more compelling than either Martin’s or Jordan’s, not that she didn’t enjoy their work of course. It was just that the thought of raising her hand and saying something like that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand to attention. She couldn’t stand having everybody looking at her at the same time, thinking thoughts she could never know. That, more than anything else, is what held her back. If she could know what they were thinking, regardless of whether it was even good or bad… well, then at least she would know where she stood and could respond accordingly.
It still seemed weird to have joined a club at all, though the initial shock had pretty much warn off considering she’d been around long enough to tackle Never Deal with a Dragon and half of Assassin’s Apprentice. She wouldn’t have joined if it wasn’t for the fact that she spent nearly every second of her free time in the school library. She wouldn’t have even heard of the unnamed club without Mrs. Tentles encouraging her to join. The librarian told her it was a kind of alternative curriculum the school offered in an unofficial capacity. It allowed students to earn points towards their English grade by reading, though in order to prevent the system from being exploited the club had to have a weekly meeting to discuss the reading. This, plus the club’s propensity towards long books, tended to keep slackers and stoners from joining the program.
Edie’s mother literally got down on her knees and begged Edie to join when she mentioned the club over dinner. She didn’t think it was healthy for her daughter to spend all her time alone with her head stuck between the pages of a book. Edie had never been able to make her mother understand the comfort she found in those pages with characters whose every thought was there clear as day.
So she agreed to join.
Despite her misgivings she found that she actually kind of liked it. There were only a dozen students and while she had gotten to tentatively know a few of them, Samantha, the head of the club, was the only she could call a friend. They hit it off so hard upon first meeting that it seemed like they had known each other for years.
“Everybody clear on what we’re tackling this week?” Samantha asked.
Edie realized with disappointment that she had zoned out and missed most of the discussion. She had wanted to hear what Ian thought of the book so far. He was one of three boys in the club but as far as Edie was concerned he was the only boy in the school. It was fair to say she had a crush on him but Edie was so inexperienced with people, let alone boys, that she hadn’t realize this herself until Samantha pointed it out to her over cafeteria meatloaf. She glanced his direction but he didn’t even know she existed.
“Good,” Samantha continued. “Same time next week.”
Edie hadn’t caught what chapters they were supposed to read but it didn’t matter. She’d already decided to finish the book over the weekend.
Samantha waited for Edie by the door along with Amanda and Whitney. They were Samantha’s friends but Edie felt uncomfortable around them. Not that they had ever been anything but kind to her.
“What’s you think?” Samantha asked as they left the AV-room together and stepped out into the library’s sociology section.
“It’s great,” Edie answered. “Who would have know that training to become an assassin could be so interesting.”
“Don’t you find it a little, I don’t know,” Whitney said. “Dark, I guess?”
Edie shrugged, “At times.”
“Personally, I love it,” Amanda said. “I could go for even darker.”
“Yeah, but you’re messed up,” Samantha said. Then, “Hold up, I gotta see Mrs. Tentles.”
Samantha ran over to the librarian’s desk behind which Mrs. Tentles was packing up for the evening. Edie used the time to browse the new arrivals section. She had checked it out during lunch already but it gave her something to do other than wait with Samantha’s friends and make small-talk. She joined the group again when Samantha finished and they left the library together with Mrs. Tentles who proceeded to lock it behind them.
Something about the empty school lobby with the evening sun coming through the windows always seemed to unnerve her. Maybe it was the way the pillars cast such long shadows across the floor tiles or perhaps it was silence that hung over a building that always seemed so upsettingly loud all the time. Whatever it was, it gave her the creeps every time and she was glad when they exited the building.
Amanda’s mom was already parked at the curb, her beat-up minivan burping a cloud of black smoke out the back every twenty seconds or so. They said their goodbyes and then the three of them left settled in to wait.
“Crap. I totally forgot,” Whitney said. She slung her backpack around and dug inside until she came up with a beat-up looking paperback. “I meant to show you this back inside.”
Samantha took the paperback, looked at the cover and laughed. “That’s disgusting.” She held it out to Edie to see. The title of the book was half missing so that the remaining letters spelled out “red anus.” The image was classic dimestore romance but instead of a Fabio looking hunk there was a man that was better described as a mountain of sentient chest-hair.
Whitney took the book back and smiled. “Mrs. Tentles and me found it when we were looking for an Andre Norton novel listed in the cards. Didn’t find that but look at this thing! It belongs in a museum.”
“It belongs on a comedy tour,” Samantha said and Edie laughed.
“Hey, there’s an idea,” Whitney said looking from Samantha to Edie and back again. “I’ll stand in front of a mic and read passages. Let the book talk for itself.” Whitney stopped laughing.
“You know what? I bet that isn’t such a bad idea. Well, okay, maybe it is. Probably it is. But you never know. Guess I’ll have to read it this weekend and find out.”
“No way,” Samantha laughed.
“Ew,” Edie added. She felt her cheeks flush red but neither girl seemed to notice.
“Seriously though, I’m going to try. Who knows maybe it’ll even be good.”
#
“It’s a romance like you would never believe.”
“I bet.”
“You haven’t seen steaming hot action like this.”
“Uh-huh. Does anybody other than Whitney have something to say? Preferably about the Assassin’s Apprentice? Yes, thank you Steven.”
There was a tension in the room that even Edie couldn’t miss, though in typical Edie fashion she had at first. After her last class she had come down to the library to read and wait for club to start. She was always the first one there but that made sense, she practically lived in the library. When Samantha, Amanda, and Whitney arrived, Edie only noticed that they were quieter than usual. It wasn’t until the meeting had started that she noticed how odd it was that Whitney and Amanda weren’t engaged in their friendly arguments. Not only that but both Amanda and Samantha seemed to regard their friend with barely contained hostility. Despite this, Whitney just seemed like her normal self to Edie.
Or at least she did until the meeting proper started. Once they began the discussion on the week’s reading she hadn’t stopped talking about that dumb book she’d found. Apparently it was the greatest thing she had ever read, though her enthusiasm for it didn’t seem to affect her voice. Maybe she was sick or something because she had the flattest, most monotone voice that Edie had ever heard apart from maybe Ben Stein’s. The whole thing was starting to really piss Samantha off and Sam was the queen of keeping her cool.
“All I’m saying is where is the killing?” Steven asked in closing. “If he’s an assassin, where’s all the assassining?”
“I’m sure there’s plenty coming,” Samantha said. “After all, he’s just an apprentice at the moment. Anyone else?” Whitney’s hand shot up but Samantha’s eyes moved over her like she wasn’t there. “No? Alright, guess it’s a short one tonight. Bet Mrs. Tentles will like that.”
Samantha clapped her hands together to indicate the end of the meeting. Amanda was up from her seat and out the door before the sound had a chance to reverberate off the walls. Samantha moved to follow after but one of the girl’s whose name Edie couldn’t remember stopped her to talk. Edie was thankful since this gave her a chance to get her coat on and catch up to Samantha before she left. Unfortunately it gave the same chance to Whitney.
“Edie,” Whitney said. “You need to read this.” She held the raggedy looking novel she had been showing off all meeting.
“That’s okay, Whitney. It’s not really my… uh… genre.”
“It’s not anybody’s fucking genre, Whitney,” Samantha all but shouted. “We’re a fantasy club. You know, swords and dragons? Wheels of time and songs about fire and ice? Magic powers and telepathic entities. Fantasy shit.”
Whitney acted like she didn’t hear Samantha. Instead she continued, “It’s got elements for fans of every genre.” She thrust the book out in front of her causing Edie to jump back startled.
“Look,” Samantha snatched the book out of Whitney’s hands. “I’ll read the fucking thing if that’ll shut you up.”
Whitney smiled. “The action is steaming hot.”
“Yeah, you said that. I don’t know what the hell this bit is Whitney but it’s getting old. Amanda’s pissed off like I’ve never seen before and now it’s starting to mess with the club. I’d think real hard about what the hell you’re doing and whether or not it’s worth it. Come on Edie,” she grabbed Edie’s hand. “We’re going.”
Edie let herself be pulled along until they were out in the chill evening air. It was only when they were seated at their usual bench that her friend let go of her grip on Edie’s hand.
After waiting a few moments for Samantha to calm down Edie asked, “What was that all about?”
“What, you haven’t seen the way she’s been acting all week? No, you wouldn’t, would you?” Edie shook her head. “Lucky you.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“No, maybe not,” Samantha agreed with a sigh. “Whitney’s been acting weird all week. First Amanda couldn’t get her on the phone over the weekend and those two yap to each other constantly. I mean last summer I had to go over to Amanda’s house to invite her to my birthday party cause her line was always busy.”
Edie couldn’t imagine spending that much time on the phone. She got anxious calling the weather line and that was just a prerecorded message. The thought of carrying on a conversation over the phone was anathema to her. It was hard enough trying to figure out what people were thinking in person with the help of body language.
“Amanda’s probably gonna spend the weekend at my house now,” Samantha said more to herself than to Edie. Then she realized she was talking out loud and added, “You’re welcome to join us if you want.”
Edie smiled awkwardly. “Did Amanda and Whitney get into a fight or something?”
“Not really. Eventually, sure, but it wasn’t like that was what started it. Amanda would have mentioned something. Hell, you saw the two of them after last Friday’s meeting. Everything was fine.” Edie certainly hadn’t noticed anything wrong but that was hardly surprising. “But come Monday morning she was just… off?”
“Off?”
“Yeah. I know that’s not like the most descriptive way of putting it but I don’t know how else to put it. At first I thought maybe she had taken something or stolen some of her dad’s rum again but I’ve seen Whitney fucked up before and it’s not like that.”
“What was she doing?”
“She kept talking about that stupid book she found. That one she wouldn’t shut up about in there tonight. She just keeps going on about it like it was the greatest thing written since the bible or something,” Samantha threw up her arms in frustration. “And that voice she’s using. It’s like she’s trying to imitate an Invasion of the Body Snatchers rip-off of something.”
“Weird,” Edie said.
“I mean it was kind of funny at first when I realized she was doing a bit. But it’s been all week. I mean I appreciate the dedication and all but Kaufman’s shit is funnier read about than witnessed, you know?” Edie nodded with understanding. While both her and Samantha enjoyed the comedy of Andy Kaufman, it was the kind of humor that was funnier hearing about than experiencing.
“It’s got to get old eventually, right?”
“It better,” Samantha said. “Or I’m going to lose my fucking mind.”
#
“Well then, I guess that’s it for Assassin’s Apprentice. N-n-n-next order of business is to s-s-s-select our next book,” Steven stuttered. He didn’t usually have a stutter but then again he wasn’t usually the one leading the group.
Samantha’s hand shot up. Without waiting for Steven to call on her she said, “Red Animal Lust.”
“That doesn’t s-s-seem—”
“I agree,” Whitney said. “Red Animal Lust.”
“Yes,” Amanda added. “Great choice.”
“Again,” Steven spoke slowly as if he expected to be cut off at any moment, “I don’t think the club is interested in reading a romance novel.” There was a chorus of agreement among the members.
“It has got elements for fans of any genre,” Samantha said.
“Romance like you’d never believe,” this from Amanda.
“The action is streaming hot,” Whitney concluded.
Edie felt as uncomfortable as the rest of the club did. Whatever ‘bit’ Whitney had been doing last week was now being shared by Samantha and Amanda. They kept close together, only talking about that dumb book Whitney found. Samantha and Amanda both spoke in that weird flat tone Whitney used.
“Even if we wanted to read it,” Steven said, “There’s only the one copy. We have to pick a book that Mrs. Tentles can order a copy of for everybody.”
“You can borrow mine.” Samantha held out the same beat-up copy that had made the rounds earlier.
“How about A Wizard of Earthsea?” Ian asked. Edie had never seen the club all agree on a book so quickly. Only Samantha, Amanda, and Whitney seemed upset by the outcome.
While the rest of the club seemed to be annoyed by the girls, Edie couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something deeply wrong going on. She could understand Amanda and Whitney taking a joke too far but Samantha?
But… but what?
She really didn’t know. There was something uncanny about the way they were acting. The more inventive part of her wanted to say they were possessed or being mind-controlled. But that didn’t really happen did it? She had heard that The Exorcist was based on a true story hadn’t she? Didn’t the little girl in the movie play with a oujia board or something before she was possessed? She had a hard time picturing Samantha or Whitney using an oujia board though it was perfectly in line with what she knew of Amanda. It would’ve had to be something else…
And just like that she realized what it was but it made no sense.
Each of the girl’s had started talking non-stop about that stupid book Whitney had found. So that had to be it. But that was the dumbest thing Edie had ever heard of. How could a forgotten old romance novel be possessing her friend?
Lost in her thoughts, Edie hadn’t noticed the girls waiting in the school lobby until the library door clicked closed behind her.
“Edie,” Samantha spoke but all three stepped forward in unison. “You’ve got to read Red Animal Lust. Here,” she thrust out the copy in her hands. Edie took a step backwards and felt the handle of the library door dig into her hip.
“Thanks but really I don’t think it’s for me.” She held up her hands and tried to look as apologetic as possible.
Amanda and Whitney each stepped forward, effectively boxing Edie in. “Really, Edie,” Samantha said. “The action is steaming hot.”
“It satisfies fans of any genre,” Whitney added.
“You won’t believe the romance,” Amanda concluded.
Everything inside of her screamed for her to leave the book and run but she was boxed in. Willing to do whatever it took to bring the interaction to an end she snatched the book from Samantha. As one the three girls stepped back and Edie took the opportunity to rush out of the school.
Rather than sitting at the usual bench, she opted to wait along the curb until see spotted her father’s Neon. He gave her a quizzical look as she entered, no doubt wondering why she had broken with her routine, but neither of them spoke about it on the drive home. Edie didn’t know what she would have even said to him — how could she convey the menace she had felt? It was just a book recommendation after all.
She waited until she got home to take a look at the book though she sure as hell wasn’t going to read it. While she might not believe in possession, she wasn’t about to tempt fate.
The cover was even more beat-up than when Whitney had shown it off two weeks prior but that made sense – it had been passed around a few times since then. The illustration really was pretty disgusting. How that could have ever been considered attractive was beyond Edie. She looked at the back cover to see what the book was even about and her heart skipped a beat.
Instead of a description about the contents, the back of the book was given over to critic quotes. She didn’t recognize any of their names, all of them having died long before she was even born. But the quotes themselves stood out. Romance like you wouldn’t believe. Perfect for fans of any genre. Steaming hot action. She could hear her friend’s voice in her head as she read each one.
Maybe it was all a bit after all?
It had to be.
Feeling foolish about everything, she opened the book to a random page. It was just a page, like any of the hundreds of books she’d read before. She flipped to another. Still just a page. Realizing that she had been had, she flipped to yet another page and this time dropped the book with a yelp.
There was something hairy between the pages.
She lifted her foot to stamp down on the book and then realized what had happened and laughed instead. Being careful to lift the book using only two fingers along the corner she took another look. What she had at first thought was an insect was actually some mold that had grown between the pages. In fact, now that she inspected it, it looked like the back third of the book had been water-damaged or something.
“Ew.”
She didn’t get the joke but at least she felt confidant that there was some weird joke being played. Red Animal Lust, or Red Anus as it appeared on the cover, wasn’t some supernatural harbinger of doom. It was just a dumb romance novel responsible for a bit that had gotten out of control.
She still wouldn’t read it though.
“Better safe than sorry,” she told herself as she set the book down on her dresser and put it out of her mind.
#
Mrs. Tentles pushed the staff-only door behind her desk open using her back so she could carry all twelve copies of A Wizard of Earthsea in a single trip. She set the books down with a huff.
“There you go, Edie,” the librarian said with a smile. “Gee, I must have read that one when it came out… that must have been thirty years ago now.”
“33 years ago,” Amanda said in her head.
“You must have been just a girl,” Edie’s meat said.
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Mrs. Tentles blushed. Edie picked up the books with a word of thanks and headed for the AV-room.
“Good,” Slurm sent a wave of pleasure rippling through Edie’s meat.
Samantha, Amanda, and Whitney were the only other members present. The three of them sat perfectly still, staring at the same desk upon which rested Red Animal Lust. There was always a week off between finishing one book and starting the next. This was so the club could number each book before assigning them, that way if any copies go missing they’d know who had it last.
Edie closed and locked the door behind her. Her meat functioned on automatic since her attention was focused on experiencing The Wheel of Time through Whitney’s perception of it. It was one of the boldest, most imaginative things she had ever experienced — far more so than what she experienced when she had read the book herself. Even Amanda had to admit that it was quote “pretty cool” and that was saying something coming from her.
“Girls…,” Slurm coaxed the four of them back to their responsibilities.
“Are you sure this won’t hurt?” Edie asked.
“No pain,” Slurm said.
“Not even when you’re cut apart?” pressed Samantha.
“No pain,” Slurm said as it released another wave of pleasure for reassurance. “I have no meat in the way you think of it. I live inside all of you as I do in the pages of the book.”
“Soon you’ll be every where,” Amanda added.
“Yes,” Slurm said. “Let us work.”
The four of them worked in unison, making of the work almost a dance. It was easier to co-ordinate when each was connected to the others. With a scalpel stolen from Mr. Anderson’s science class Whitney quickly cut the pages free from Red Animal Lust and tossed aside the cover. She then set to work cutting the fungus from the pages. The others worked quickly to glue a piece of Slurm to the back pages of each and every copy of A Wizard of Earthsea, careful to flatten the pieces out so they were practically invisible.
“What about the leftover?” Whitney asked.
“Is this not a library?” Slurm purred.
Each copy completed was rewarded with more pleasure flooding through their brains. Edie smiled as her body convulsed. The moans that did not leave her friend’s flesh echoed through her head and she felt whole for the first time she could remember. Full of hope for the future they would help Slurm usher in — a future where no thought was hidden and everyone would love Slurm.
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